This piece was written by the people who run the Cracked Store to tell you about products that are being sold there.
Let’s face it, the Automation Armageddon is upon us. For years, we assumed that the robot revolution would come in the form of an evil supercomputer that short-circuits when you ask it how to love. But nope, it was the self-checkout line. And it’s only getting worse. Thus, you’re going to have to make yourself useful to the industries that still need brain flesh to function. Luckily, you can pick up some automation-proof tech skills with five of our handy online training courses.
The Complete Machine Learning Bundle
This course sounds like it could be a catchall for anything, whether it’s a toaster tutorial or a Pacific Rim defense manual. Sorry to kill your jaeger-piloting dreams, but not quite. With over 60 hours of content spread across 10 courses, this bundle will teach you to use big data tools like R, Python, Java, and Hadoop. Meaning that not only will you be able to use that toaster, but one day you might even be able to program it to speak French. Pick up the Complete Machine Learning Bundle here for 95 percent off the usual price.
The Deep Learning And Artificial Intelligence Introductory Bundle
The movie Flubber might be based around the titular dancing goo, but the unsung hero was Robin Williams’ little robot buddy Weebo. She could do any impossibly tedious task that Williams asked her to do, and now you too can teach machines to accomplish every inane goal that you set for them. With this course, you’ll discover deep learning techniques to train neural networks on vastly diverse data to find meaningful patterns and model complex cognitive processes. In human terms, that means you’ll learn to style all over the Turing Test. You can get this Deep Learning bundle for just $39.
The Complete Raspberry Pi 3 Training Bundle
Raspberry Pi might sound like math’s first excursion into the realm of the delicious, but it’s actually a series of small computers in an extremely affordable package. But if you buy one without a fairly decent grasp on computer science, it’s going to collect dust on your shelf next to that barely touched soldering iron and those foreign language books. This training bundle will give you plenty of background knowledge and projects to unlock the true potential of your microcomputer. Grab this course bundle here for 91 percent off — just $19.
The Complete Introduction To R Programming Bundle
R is a powerful programming language that’s specifically designed to work with data sets to build interactive visualizations. Think of it like PowerPoint and Excel for the … initiated. Anything can be proven true as long as you have the numbers to back it up, and with R, you’ll be able to statistically karate-chop your boss into giving you anything you want. (“Look boss, working in my bathrobe increases productivity by 23 percent!”) These five courses and three ebooks will introduce you to writing programs in R with machine learning and data mining techniques. This bundle is usually over $600, but you can get it here in our store for $49.
Amazon Alexa Coding Bundle: From Zero To Hero
If there is one thing that unites humanity, it’s being lazy. Things that once demanded in-person interaction, like shopping for clothes or dating, can now be taken care of with a click or a swipe. And in our opinion, the world is better for it. To help realize a future in which you can order pizza with a single grunt, take a look at these two Amazon Alexa coding courses. You’ll learn to make Alexa the ultimate personal assistant, so you can focus on the important things, like what blanket configuration provides optimal comfort as you watch Netflix in bed. Grab this bundle for just $19.
The future sounds so comfy.
It will be. And it can get even comfier once you check out our full catalog in the Cracked Store. You can also pick out some ultra-soft T-shirts with futuristic mashups in the Cracked Dispensary. And who knows; maybe after mastering these bundles, you’ll be the one to usher in the age of AI singularity. We’ll be waiting on the couch until you do.
For more ways to protect yourself from the inevitable robot uprising check out Don’t Let These Products Fall Into The Wrong (Robot) Hands.